Interwebs

My internet sucks. I'm still on this crappy 52kb dial up modem. Thus, my internet access is really slow and annoying. It's a real pain when I'm trying to watch something on YouTube or play Frontierville on Facebook. I would upgrade to wireless broadband but we cant afford it at the moment. I'd love to see the day that we CAN afford it.

OH!!! My man thing got himself a job! He's at training for it now. It's only delivering pizzas but its better than nothing. Get us off this stupid benefit and all. This means I really should get on with sorting out the house for the Home Based Childcare thing I'm wanting to do. With us getting off the benefit it just means that any money I earn can be saved and stuff like that. I'm hoping to save up a bit for when we do get pregnant again.

On the TTC front, we're not exactly keeping track of everything but I am on day 11 of my cycle. I'm not expecting to ovulate until about day 21 or so, so theres a good 10 days of regular sex. Hopefully.

I had a tarot card read for me the other day and it pretty much said either we are going to get married, or have our first baby. Well, we're not looking at getting married for another 3 and a bit years yet so it's looking like the second option. BABY!!!

Sometimes I do still wonder if I'm really ready to be a mother, to have a baby and all the responsibility that comes with it, and then I think about how excited I was when I found out I was pregnant with Antony and I KNOW that I want a baby and all it entails.

Right, now off to do some of the chore I've been procrastinating about for the last few weeks *blush*

Family Drama

My mum has a mental illness. She used to be classified as Bi-Polar. Now the shrinks are leaning more towards Borderline Personality Disorder
All I really know about it is, if mum takes her medication, she's pretty ok. If she doesnt take her medication she flips out and does stupid things. Well she's been feeling her tenuous control over her mental stability slip for a couple of days, but she is being proactive about it, for once.

The immediate family all know she's going through a tough time. The biggest thing at the moment is that today is my grandparents 51st wedding anniversary, and late last year my grandfather died. So my nana is a little depressed at the moment, as you can well understand. I think that the wedding anniversary has also triggered my mum too.

So I had a talk to my mum about whats up at the moment, and reccommended to her that she not dump her problems on nana. She respects that, and has been avoiding lumping all her problems on nana already. I am quite proud that she had the foresight.

So my mum is generally falling off the rails, and I have no idea where my fiance is right now. He went off fishing with some of his family and I dont know where they are, or when theyre getting back. 5:46pm. It's getting pretty dark so I hope they get back soon.

Just like a man to go off fishing and not notify me of E.T.A back at home.

Whoops!

So its 11 days until we start to try to conceive our baby and my man hasnt been very careful with his testicles. Last night he put a hot hot water bottle on them, so I'm hoping he hasnt cooked the next 75 days worth of sperm. That's 2 and a half months. Lets just hope that theres still enough life left in those poor little cooked buggers for them to swim to mrs eggy.

Been taking my temp every day for the last 4 days now. On Cycle day 5 and things are starting to sort themselves out.

Thyhe man thing and I have given up on the precautions and are just letting things do their thing. If it happens this month (or more likely in the beginnings of next month) then all good. Awesome. Wicked. If not then we have plenty more time to try!

Day One

Well I am quite happy to have started myself a new cycle, just in time for TTC in 2 weeks. Looks like we will be starting to TTC right when I should be ovulating. Hopefully.

Wouldnt that be awesome. First month of trying again. Not getting my hopes up too far but last time I stopped taking my contraceptive pill, 2 weeks later I had my period and 5 weeks after that I got a positive pregnancy test.

As my man thing says, he never misses.

He was so proud of himself last time, lets hope that this time he's the same. Strutting around lol.

So my Fertility Friend charts say that my cycles average 38 days long. I usede to approximate it at 35 days, or 5 weeks. Seemed pretty consistent, although that was when I was taking the contraceptive pill. Maybe my cycle is different when I'm au naturale?

Movie time

So this afternoon my partner and I are off to watch another movie. We got the tickets for free. Kinda. It's a deal with our newspaper. Cool huh.
So today we are going to go see the A-Team movie. Should be good. We saw the trailer for it when we went to see Prince of Persia. It looked good then, and I've only heard good about it since then.

So in 1 hour we are going to be watching an awesome movie. Hopefully. If I can walk that far (jokes)

The car is off getting repaired. Warrant and all that. Seems theres some rust in a place you really dont want rust, but the old girl isnt doing too bad for being older than I am. Then theres a few other things that need to be done to it. Goody...
Money is a little bit stretched as it is at the moment.

Mmmm... Cake

So last night I went on a bit of a baking spree. I ended up making a chocolate cake (recipe sucked so it didnt turn out that great) a gingerbread cake (YUMYUM) and some gingernut cookie dough. Going to bake the gingernuts today and make a bigger and better chocolate cake tomorrow.

I dont eat cake all that often but I sure do like making it. I'll be the perfect mum lol. Baking cakes and cookies and lots of other goodies. I like making my own bread too.

Yuuuuuummmmmm...

Baking bread is made so much easier with a breadmaker though teehee.

I want to make some bread now...

First, off to the supermarket to get some more ingredients to make cake so I can make an awesome chocolate and orange (jaffa) cake for tomorrow afternoon.

See, tomorrow afternoon my fiance and I are saying farewell to an ex friend of ours. In recent times he has been quite a bit of an ass, so we decided to part ways with him. Seems he's made that pretty easy by deciding to move out of town. The biggest problem with deciding to part ways with him is he lives with my mother. Great huh. Well not for long. As of Monday he's moving 4 hours away to live with HIS mother, then he will be moving further down the country to live with his nana.

Enough of that maudlin subject. Cake! Cake is good. Well, it tastes good anyway, it's not so good on the hips, or the waistline, or the heart...

Well, everything in moderation and all that.

In the know

I like having friends in high places. Like doctors, or at least med students. They may not be fully qualified but they have some idea on what they're talking about. They can also talk to other doctors and get information that normally isnt shared, like which doctors are complete dickwads (I'd figured one out by myself but got a heads up on another one) and the after appointment chats with specialists that arent generally shared with the patient in question.

I am very thankful that my lovely med student is such an awesome guy, who I will be very glad to keep in contact with hopefully for years to come. It's nice to know someone who can give it to me straight, and who I can have a conversation with over pizza about hormonal contraceptives lol.

So I thank James for his wonderful insights into the world of the doctor, and I thank him for his advice over whether to file a complaint over a truly horrible doctor or not.

Thanks James!

Baby Making

So theres now 20 days until my darling fiance and I can try for another baby. Believe me, the waiting is excrutiating.

I have dabbled in the mystical arts of temperature charting, mucus observation and ovulation prediction, with poor results. I'm the person who forgets to eat breakfast until lunchtime, so I find it damn near impossible for me to remember to take my temperature every morning before I get out of bed.

I am reconsidering my stand on trying to temp, but until I actually get to the first day of my cycle, theres really no point.

For charting to work, I will need to change my entire routine basically. Currently, I go to bed and go to sleep whenever I feel tired. Whether that be 9pm or 2am, it doesnt matter. Theres no routine to it. I must make a routine. And actually stick to it...

So for now, until I can find the willpower to make a routine and actually stick to it, the baby making plan is just have sex when we feel like it, as often as we feel like it, until we either get sick of having sex (yeah, like thats going to happen), or until I get pregnant. Lets hope it doesnt take me very long to get preganant.

Cinema Time

So on Tuesday night my fiance and I went to the movies and saw Prince of Persia. It was a pretty alright movie, gave a few laughs, was a little heartwrenching at times and all that, all the things a good movie should be. It pales in comparison to Avatar though.

Yes, I'm an Avatar nut. I saw it at the cinema twice, and I now own it on DVD.

The biggest upside with going to the movies to see Prince of Persia was the fact that it was the first date my man and I have been on in... ages!
It was so nice. We had dinner (lasagne, which I cooked) and then went and had a lovely time out at the movies, snuggling up together watching a pretty cool movie. Then when we got home afterwards... That was good too lol.

Now, to get the man thing to do that more often teehee.

Baby-land

So up until recently I was pregnant. That didnt end so well, with me having the baby at 21 weeks gest. and there being no chance of survival for him. We named him Antony.

So we were told to wait 3 months before trying again. we have 22 days to wait now, and the waiting is getting... interesting.
So many people cant understand that my partner and I have intergrated the loss, we have worked through it and everything. They dont seem to be able to get it.
My mum for example. Pretty much all I keep hearing is wait wait wait.

We dont want to wait.

I went to the sexual health clinic the other day, and I heard pretty much the same thing from the nurse I was talking to. Yes, thank you for your opinion, but butt out of my life would you!
My partner and I made a decision to try for a baby. The dream still hasnt been fulfilled. Yes, my firstborn will always be there and I will never forget him, but our want for a baby hasnt been put on hold because of him. He was an experience, a dream and I am thankful that I got to share the time with him, short as it was.

Just because I had a baby and he died, hasnt made my life go on hold. It took me a while to work through it, and work through it I did but when my partner and I talked it over after Antony, we still want to share our lives with a child of our own creation. We still want to have another baby and we dont want to wait.

My first post whooooooo

Ahem.. Yeah anyway.
Hi, my name is Lisa and I'm an internet addict.
Erm.. I hate getting things like this started. I much prefer them once they're established and all that jazz. Although, if I think about it, people wont really be seeing it until it's established will they...

Pretty much this is just going to be the place where I bitch about what I see, I comment on news, weather, occurrances and stuff. Lots and lots of different stuff.

This is also going to be the place where I comment about my life, my family and so on.

Enjoy!