Laziness and procrastination

I hate being lazy, I really do. I'd love to wake up one day with all the motivation to do everything I want to do and no sign of procrastination anywhere.

Then again I'd also love a genie and 3 wishes.

Dreams are free.

Right now I'm procrastinating from doing housework, some of which NEEDS doing and has needed doing for a little while. I hate the dishes, I wash them and I get mad eczema on my hands. I wash them wearing gloves and I still get eczema. My arms cramp up from the bench being the wrong height, my hips kill me from standing for so long. Dishes are my arch nemesis.
And yet I'm left to do them all. The. Time. Thanks a bunch honey.

I have a house inspection tomorrow and I have more things on my checklist that require doing than have been ticked off. Big big jobs like mowing the lawns are thankfully crossed off the list, smaller jobs like wiping the stove and cleaning the oven are still waiting.
I'd love to mop the floors and wipe the windows, anything so I don't have to wash these fucking dishes but both the floor cleaner and the window cleaner are locked up tight in the garage, a garage that is practically impossible for me to get into. In that regard, I'm screwed.

I want to make something nice and tasty for lunch. 2 problems, I have nothing to cook whatever I want for lunch in and our cupboards are very near bare. Shopping tonight, but that doesn't help me now.

I'm feeling very blah at the moment. Money worries are winding me up tight. I haven't been able to take my PND meds for a few days because of the weekend and the problem of having no money to be able to pay the doc, no money to be able to pay for the prescription and no transport to be able to get to either. I'm on the verge of tearing my hair out and sitting in the corner rocking back and forth laughing maniacally. I hate money troubles.

I have a feeling that the persistent dizziness over the last few days is because I'm in withdrawals from my happy pills. It's definitely odd being slightly dizzy all the time.

Torture by Infant

I can't believe how frustrating and infuriating an 11 month old can be! Especially when he's sick, even just a little.
We're not entirely sure what's wrong with him but I'm positive he's teething. He went and saw the doc today and his ears are BOTH a bit inflamed *headdesk* so he's got antibiotics for them. He has a bung eye from a stye so he has eye ointment for that even though I don't think he needs it because the stye has popped and is now almost completely healed. The Child is also having breathing problems and wheezing but according to the doctor he's perfectly fine. WTF? I had a nurse listen to his chest later on the same day and she heard him wheezing pretty badly so I have no idea what's going on.

PMS is killing me, along with horrible cramps :-( Even though it's the middle of summer (heh, so they say) I've had to sleep with a hot water bottle clutched to my abdomen and even paracetamol isn't helping.

You know it's real bad when even though you got a manicure and an eyebrow shape/wax for FREE and you still feel murderous.

My house is a total bombsite. It's a combination of being busy, having little to no energy and I think PND nipping at my heels. It's not nice for me at the moment. Add on top that my crawler is advancing to being a walker waaaaaay too quickly for my liking and I'm a wreck! Also he figured out how to get into the cupboards and so nothing within reach is safe! My kitchen is a complete bombsite because the darling child pulled everything out of my plastics cupboard and scattered it all over the floor. Admittedly I did let him but that was because I really couldn't be bothered with wrestling with him, finding some way to secure the handles so the cupboards wouldn't open then dealing with the ensuing tantrum afterwards. I'm having trouble getting out of bed in the morning let alone dealing with all of that.

My little angel has turned into a whingey, clingy, grumpy brat. Not quite but it sure feels like it at the moment! Him being unwell certainly isn't helping matters.

Anyway, sorry for the short rant, I just had to get that off my chest. More ranting to come soon, this time about The Man Thing. Censored of course because he reads this blog :-S

Ciao for now

Long time, no see

Well now it really has been a while since I updated this. I just haven't had the time!! Seth went from sleeping like the proverbial angel to driving me insane! 45 minute naps all day, every day. Settling him to sleep was hell too. I was always rocking the cot, patting his tummy, turning him on his side and patting his back, stroking his head, letting him fall asleep feeding or on me. Hell I tell you!

My mum was my saviour, even with all her faults and everything about her that irritates me so much, she has been invaluable to me over the past few months. She called for help, Plunket help, and they were actually very helpful. Shh but the area coordinator gave us a little booklet of advice which has changed our live now, for the better! It's not Plunket endorsed so really they can't hand it out but mum and I were SERIOUSLY desperate.

So now after putting the advice in the booklet into practice, Seth is now going down to sleeps a LOT easier, I put him down, tuck him in and walk away. He's still only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time but I can deal with it a lot better now. It's even better that in the past few weeks he's been sleeping for longer and longer during the night. He's now sleeping from between 7 and 8 pm until between 5 and 8 am. It's so cool, I actually get to sleep. Now what is sleep again?

Seth is now fully formula fed due to my supply reaching a maximum of 80mls at a feed while Seth was taking more than twice that amount, medication for my PND when I was diagnosed (yeah I have PND, will talk about that later), and Seth not gaining weight as he should have been. Things have been going pretty well here since I decided to wean, yes wean not just go cold turkey. I managed to do it with nearly no engorgement. I still have a small supply if I try to hand express, it'll still shoot across the room, but that will eventually fade, probably. Seth has taken the transition pretty well though he still turns to my breast at times and will try to feed even though there is clothing in the way. Makes for lovely slobber patches. I still give him breast occasionally if he's really frantic for a feed, though he pops on and off so he barely gets anything.

PND. Ah yes, postnatal depression/distress. I think it started slowly with just little things, having to settle Seth to sleep every. single. sleep. His screaming in my ears as I did so. The frustration at not being able to fully breastfeed like I wanted and expected to. Little things that built up until I was screaming at him to shut up and go to sleep. Slamming my fist into a wall so I wouldn't do something I would later regret. Banging my head against a wall for similar reasons. I would get SO angry that he wasn't sleeping, that he was crying, that he wouldn't cooperate. That he wasn't doing what I wanted him to and what I thought he "Should" do.
Looking up the signs and symptoms was hard, talking to my husband about it even harder. I was put onto the Edinburgh scale by a few people I would talk to online and I scored an 18. Not as bad as it could have been but bad enough. I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some medication and I'm going to a PND support group which is really helping.
Since being on the meds things have improved hugely. I don't start screaming/crying/raging over little things anymore. If I miss a dose then the next day is bad though. I can now handle things a lot better and I feel a lot more relaxed. Most of the time anyway.

Well that's a bit of a novel so I shall leave you with that and I will certainly try to update more often.
Ciao for now.

Family Drama, again

I thought that pregnant women were supposed to have a reputation for being emotionally unstable and prone to flying off the handle for no (seemingly) good reason. Seems like I'm the most level headed one in my family at the moment. Not that that's really anything very new...

Last night there was SO much drama going on. Family members yelling at each other, hanging up on each other and lots of tears.

And of course my mother (one of the main causes of the big blowout last night) was doing her usual "Poor me, I've been yelled at and now I'm all unstable and... GIVE ME ATTENTION"
Yeah, no sympathy from me.

Family Drama

My mum has a mental illness. She used to be classified as Bi-Polar. Now the shrinks are leaning more towards Borderline Personality Disorder
All I really know about it is, if mum takes her medication, she's pretty ok. If she doesnt take her medication she flips out and does stupid things. Well she's been feeling her tenuous control over her mental stability slip for a couple of days, but she is being proactive about it, for once.

The immediate family all know she's going through a tough time. The biggest thing at the moment is that today is my grandparents 51st wedding anniversary, and late last year my grandfather died. So my nana is a little depressed at the moment, as you can well understand. I think that the wedding anniversary has also triggered my mum too.

So I had a talk to my mum about whats up at the moment, and reccommended to her that she not dump her problems on nana. She respects that, and has been avoiding lumping all her problems on nana already. I am quite proud that she had the foresight.

So my mum is generally falling off the rails, and I have no idea where my fiance is right now. He went off fishing with some of his family and I dont know where they are, or when theyre getting back. 5:46pm. It's getting pretty dark so I hope they get back soon.

Just like a man to go off fishing and not notify me of E.T.A back at home.