I hate being lazy, I really do. I'd love to wake up one day with all the motivation to do everything I want to do and no sign of procrastination anywhere.
Then again I'd also love a genie and 3 wishes.
Dreams are free.
Right now I'm procrastinating from doing housework, some of which NEEDS doing and has needed doing for a little while. I hate the dishes, I wash them and I get mad eczema on my hands. I wash them wearing gloves and I still get eczema. My arms cramp up from the bench being the wrong height, my hips kill me from standing for so long. Dishes are my arch nemesis.
And yet I'm left to do them all. The. Time. Thanks a bunch honey.
I have a house inspection tomorrow and I have more things on my checklist that require doing than have been ticked off. Big big jobs like mowing the lawns are thankfully crossed off the list, smaller jobs like wiping the stove and cleaning the oven are still waiting.
I'd love to mop the floors and wipe the windows, anything so I don't have to wash these fucking dishes but both the floor cleaner and the window cleaner are locked up tight in the garage, a garage that is practically impossible for me to get into. In that regard, I'm screwed.
I want to make something nice and tasty for lunch. 2 problems, I have nothing to cook whatever I want for lunch in and our cupboards are very near bare. Shopping tonight, but that doesn't help me now.
I'm feeling very blah at the moment. Money worries are winding me up tight. I haven't been able to take my PND meds for a few days because of the weekend and the problem of having no money to be able to pay the doc, no money to be able to pay for the prescription and no transport to be able to get to either. I'm on the verge of tearing my hair out and sitting in the corner rocking back and forth laughing maniacally. I hate money troubles.
I have a feeling that the persistent dizziness over the last few days is because I'm in withdrawals from my happy pills. It's definitely odd being slightly dizzy all the time.
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Monday, April 2, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Torture by Infant
I can't believe how frustrating and infuriating an 11 month old can be! Especially when he's sick, even just a little.
We're not entirely sure what's wrong with him but I'm positive he's teething. He went and saw the doc today and his ears are BOTH a bit inflamed *headdesk* so he's got antibiotics for them. He has a bung eye from a stye so he has eye ointment for that even though I don't think he needs it because the stye has popped and is now almost completely healed. The Child is also having breathing problems and wheezing but according to the doctor he's perfectly fine. WTF? I had a nurse listen to his chest later on the same day and she heard him wheezing pretty badly so I have no idea what's going on.
PMS is killing me, along with horrible cramps :-( Even though it's the middle of summer (heh, so they say) I've had to sleep with a hot water bottle clutched to my abdomen and even paracetamol isn't helping.
You know it's real bad when even though you got a manicure and an eyebrow shape/wax for FREE and you still feel murderous.
My house is a total bombsite. It's a combination of being busy, having little to no energy and I think PND nipping at my heels. It's not nice for me at the moment. Add on top that my crawler is advancing to being a walker waaaaaay too quickly for my liking and I'm a wreck! Also he figured out how to get into the cupboards and so nothing within reach is safe! My kitchen is a complete bombsite because the darling child pulled everything out of my plastics cupboard and scattered it all over the floor. Admittedly I did let him but that was because I really couldn't be bothered with wrestling with him, finding some way to secure the handles so the cupboards wouldn't open then dealing with the ensuing tantrum afterwards. I'm having trouble getting out of bed in the morning let alone dealing with all of that.
My little angel has turned into a whingey, clingy, grumpy brat. Not quite but it sure feels like it at the moment! Him being unwell certainly isn't helping matters.
Anyway, sorry for the short rant, I just had to get that off my chest. More ranting to come soon, this time about The Man Thing. Censored of course because he reads this blog :-S
Ciao for now
We're not entirely sure what's wrong with him but I'm positive he's teething. He went and saw the doc today and his ears are BOTH a bit inflamed *headdesk* so he's got antibiotics for them. He has a bung eye from a stye so he has eye ointment for that even though I don't think he needs it because the stye has popped and is now almost completely healed. The Child is also having breathing problems and wheezing but according to the doctor he's perfectly fine. WTF? I had a nurse listen to his chest later on the same day and she heard him wheezing pretty badly so I have no idea what's going on.
PMS is killing me, along with horrible cramps :-( Even though it's the middle of summer (heh, so they say) I've had to sleep with a hot water bottle clutched to my abdomen and even paracetamol isn't helping.
You know it's real bad when even though you got a manicure and an eyebrow shape/wax for FREE and you still feel murderous.
My house is a total bombsite. It's a combination of being busy, having little to no energy and I think PND nipping at my heels. It's not nice for me at the moment. Add on top that my crawler is advancing to being a walker waaaaaay too quickly for my liking and I'm a wreck! Also he figured out how to get into the cupboards and so nothing within reach is safe! My kitchen is a complete bombsite because the darling child pulled everything out of my plastics cupboard and scattered it all over the floor. Admittedly I did let him but that was because I really couldn't be bothered with wrestling with him, finding some way to secure the handles so the cupboards wouldn't open then dealing with the ensuing tantrum afterwards. I'm having trouble getting out of bed in the morning let alone dealing with all of that.
My little angel has turned into a whingey, clingy, grumpy brat. Not quite but it sure feels like it at the moment! Him being unwell certainly isn't helping matters.
Anyway, sorry for the short rant, I just had to get that off my chest. More ranting to come soon, this time about The Man Thing. Censored of course because he reads this blog :-S
Ciao for now
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Long time, no see
Well now it really has been a while since I updated this. I just haven't had the time!! Seth went from sleeping like the proverbial angel to driving me insane! 45 minute naps all day, every day. Settling him to sleep was hell too. I was always rocking the cot, patting his tummy, turning him on his side and patting his back, stroking his head, letting him fall asleep feeding or on me. Hell I tell you!
My mum was my saviour, even with all her faults and everything about her that irritates me so much, she has been invaluable to me over the past few months. She called for help, Plunket help, and they were actually very helpful. Shh but the area coordinator gave us a little booklet of advice which has changed our live now, for the better! It's not Plunket endorsed so really they can't hand it out but mum and I were SERIOUSLY desperate.
So now after putting the advice in the booklet into practice, Seth is now going down to sleeps a LOT easier, I put him down, tuck him in and walk away. He's still only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time but I can deal with it a lot better now. It's even better that in the past few weeks he's been sleeping for longer and longer during the night. He's now sleeping from between 7 and 8 pm until between 5 and 8 am. It's so cool, I actually get to sleep. Now what is sleep again?
Seth is now fully formula fed due to my supply reaching a maximum of 80mls at a feed while Seth was taking more than twice that amount, medication for my PND when I was diagnosed (yeah I have PND, will talk about that later), and Seth not gaining weight as he should have been. Things have been going pretty well here since I decided to wean, yes wean not just go cold turkey. I managed to do it with nearly no engorgement. I still have a small supply if I try to hand express, it'll still shoot across the room, but that will eventually fade, probably. Seth has taken the transition pretty well though he still turns to my breast at times and will try to feed even though there is clothing in the way. Makes for lovely slobber patches. I still give him breast occasionally if he's really frantic for a feed, though he pops on and off so he barely gets anything.
PND. Ah yes, postnatal depression/distress. I think it started slowly with just little things, having to settle Seth to sleep every. single. sleep. His screaming in my ears as I did so. The frustration at not being able to fully breastfeed like I wanted and expected to. Little things that built up until I was screaming at him to shut up and go to sleep. Slamming my fist into a wall so I wouldn't do something I would later regret. Banging my head against a wall for similar reasons. I would get SO angry that he wasn't sleeping, that he was crying, that he wouldn't cooperate. That he wasn't doing what I wanted him to and what I thought he "Should" do.
Looking up the signs and symptoms was hard, talking to my husband about it even harder. I was put onto the Edinburgh scale by a few people I would talk to online and I scored an 18. Not as bad as it could have been but bad enough. I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some medication and I'm going to a PND support group which is really helping.
Since being on the meds things have improved hugely. I don't start screaming/crying/raging over little things anymore. If I miss a dose then the next day is bad though. I can now handle things a lot better and I feel a lot more relaxed. Most of the time anyway.
Well that's a bit of a novel so I shall leave you with that and I will certainly try to update more often.
Ciao for now.
My mum was my saviour, even with all her faults and everything about her that irritates me so much, she has been invaluable to me over the past few months. She called for help, Plunket help, and they were actually very helpful. Shh but the area coordinator gave us a little booklet of advice which has changed our live now, for the better! It's not Plunket endorsed so really they can't hand it out but mum and I were SERIOUSLY desperate.
So now after putting the advice in the booklet into practice, Seth is now going down to sleeps a LOT easier, I put him down, tuck him in and walk away. He's still only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time but I can deal with it a lot better now. It's even better that in the past few weeks he's been sleeping for longer and longer during the night. He's now sleeping from between 7 and 8 pm until between 5 and 8 am. It's so cool, I actually get to sleep. Now what is sleep again?
Seth is now fully formula fed due to my supply reaching a maximum of 80mls at a feed while Seth was taking more than twice that amount, medication for my PND when I was diagnosed (yeah I have PND, will talk about that later), and Seth not gaining weight as he should have been. Things have been going pretty well here since I decided to wean, yes wean not just go cold turkey. I managed to do it with nearly no engorgement. I still have a small supply if I try to hand express, it'll still shoot across the room, but that will eventually fade, probably. Seth has taken the transition pretty well though he still turns to my breast at times and will try to feed even though there is clothing in the way. Makes for lovely slobber patches. I still give him breast occasionally if he's really frantic for a feed, though he pops on and off so he barely gets anything.
PND. Ah yes, postnatal depression/distress. I think it started slowly with just little things, having to settle Seth to sleep every. single. sleep. His screaming in my ears as I did so. The frustration at not being able to fully breastfeed like I wanted and expected to. Little things that built up until I was screaming at him to shut up and go to sleep. Slamming my fist into a wall so I wouldn't do something I would later regret. Banging my head against a wall for similar reasons. I would get SO angry that he wasn't sleeping, that he was crying, that he wouldn't cooperate. That he wasn't doing what I wanted him to and what I thought he "Should" do.
Looking up the signs and symptoms was hard, talking to my husband about it even harder. I was put onto the Edinburgh scale by a few people I would talk to online and I scored an 18. Not as bad as it could have been but bad enough. I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some medication and I'm going to a PND support group which is really helping.
Since being on the meds things have improved hugely. I don't start screaming/crying/raging over little things anymore. If I miss a dose then the next day is bad though. I can now handle things a lot better and I feel a lot more relaxed. Most of the time anyway.
Well that's a bit of a novel so I shall leave you with that and I will certainly try to update more often.
Ciao for now.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Counting Down
I now have 3 days until my baby is considered viable. A mere 3 days. The thought actually frightens me somewhat. I'm not entirely sure why, this baby is most certainly wanted, but still I'm nervous. Possibly the whole fear of the unknown thing.
Counting down the days and making small goals are a couple of the ways that I've been finding helpful while I try to cope with such a stressful time. Not overtly stressful, but the worry is still there, niggling in the back of my mind. I feel paranoid about every little niggle, ache, twitch and twinge. I worry if baby hasn't moved much in a day, or if I have a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I'm a compulsive knicker-checker. I cant help it, every time I go to the loo I check.
I worry about how the movements feel, especially if they're low movements. I could swear that I've felt this little ninja attack my cervix a few times. Rather disconcerting when I'm super paranoid about any feelings/pain/discomfort in that area, a sudden fist to the cervix can make me jump lol.
Once I make it to 24 weeks (3 more days, only 3) then my next short term goal is going to be 26 weeks. Long term goal is going to be 32 weeks so I can deliver at my local hospital (a hop skip and a jump down the road) rather than needing to be airlifted to the national childrens hospital 2 hours away (by car)
9 weeks to that goal.
I'm pretty sure I can make it but I have to be realistic with my expectations. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and all that jazz.
Counting down the days and making small goals are a couple of the ways that I've been finding helpful while I try to cope with such a stressful time. Not overtly stressful, but the worry is still there, niggling in the back of my mind. I feel paranoid about every little niggle, ache, twitch and twinge. I worry if baby hasn't moved much in a day, or if I have a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I'm a compulsive knicker-checker. I cant help it, every time I go to the loo I check.
I worry about how the movements feel, especially if they're low movements. I could swear that I've felt this little ninja attack my cervix a few times. Rather disconcerting when I'm super paranoid about any feelings/pain/discomfort in that area, a sudden fist to the cervix can make me jump lol.
Once I make it to 24 weeks (3 more days, only 3) then my next short term goal is going to be 26 weeks. Long term goal is going to be 32 weeks so I can deliver at my local hospital (a hop skip and a jump down the road) rather than needing to be airlifted to the national childrens hospital 2 hours away (by car)
9 weeks to that goal.
I'm pretty sure I can make it but I have to be realistic with my expectations. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and all that jazz.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Sweet Emotion
Or not so sweet as the case may be. The man thing is lucky to be in one piece at the moment *wince* seeing as I've been one hell of a moody cow at the moment. Dreaming of your fiance cheating on you with any female that opens her legs is also likely to put one in a bad mood...
So yeah, today I've been happy, sad, frustrated, angry. In general, pregnant!
Bubby boy has been jiggling round in there quite happily today. I think I had a knee or a foot massaging my right flank while I was watering the plants. Felt rather interesting, let me tell you!
The bumpage is getting bumpier by the day. I'll take a photo tomorrow and show y'all.
My belly button cant make up its mind whether to be an innie or a flattie at the moment, it hasn't quite progressed to being an outie yet. Close, but not quite.
So yeah, today I've been happy, sad, frustrated, angry. In general, pregnant!
Bubby boy has been jiggling round in there quite happily today. I think I had a knee or a foot massaging my right flank while I was watering the plants. Felt rather interesting, let me tell you!
The bumpage is getting bumpier by the day. I'll take a photo tomorrow and show y'all.
My belly button cant make up its mind whether to be an innie or a flattie at the moment, it hasn't quite progressed to being an outie yet. Close, but not quite.
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