Long time, no see

Well now it really has been a while since I updated this. I just haven't had the time!! Seth went from sleeping like the proverbial angel to driving me insane! 45 minute naps all day, every day. Settling him to sleep was hell too. I was always rocking the cot, patting his tummy, turning him on his side and patting his back, stroking his head, letting him fall asleep feeding or on me. Hell I tell you!

My mum was my saviour, even with all her faults and everything about her that irritates me so much, she has been invaluable to me over the past few months. She called for help, Plunket help, and they were actually very helpful. Shh but the area coordinator gave us a little booklet of advice which has changed our live now, for the better! It's not Plunket endorsed so really they can't hand it out but mum and I were SERIOUSLY desperate.

So now after putting the advice in the booklet into practice, Seth is now going down to sleeps a LOT easier, I put him down, tuck him in and walk away. He's still only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time but I can deal with it a lot better now. It's even better that in the past few weeks he's been sleeping for longer and longer during the night. He's now sleeping from between 7 and 8 pm until between 5 and 8 am. It's so cool, I actually get to sleep. Now what is sleep again?

Seth is now fully formula fed due to my supply reaching a maximum of 80mls at a feed while Seth was taking more than twice that amount, medication for my PND when I was diagnosed (yeah I have PND, will talk about that later), and Seth not gaining weight as he should have been. Things have been going pretty well here since I decided to wean, yes wean not just go cold turkey. I managed to do it with nearly no engorgement. I still have a small supply if I try to hand express, it'll still shoot across the room, but that will eventually fade, probably. Seth has taken the transition pretty well though he still turns to my breast at times and will try to feed even though there is clothing in the way. Makes for lovely slobber patches. I still give him breast occasionally if he's really frantic for a feed, though he pops on and off so he barely gets anything.

PND. Ah yes, postnatal depression/distress. I think it started slowly with just little things, having to settle Seth to sleep every. single. sleep. His screaming in my ears as I did so. The frustration at not being able to fully breastfeed like I wanted and expected to. Little things that built up until I was screaming at him to shut up and go to sleep. Slamming my fist into a wall so I wouldn't do something I would later regret. Banging my head against a wall for similar reasons. I would get SO angry that he wasn't sleeping, that he was crying, that he wouldn't cooperate. That he wasn't doing what I wanted him to and what I thought he "Should" do.
Looking up the signs and symptoms was hard, talking to my husband about it even harder. I was put onto the Edinburgh scale by a few people I would talk to online and I scored an 18. Not as bad as it could have been but bad enough. I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some medication and I'm going to a PND support group which is really helping.
Since being on the meds things have improved hugely. I don't start screaming/crying/raging over little things anymore. If I miss a dose then the next day is bad though. I can now handle things a lot better and I feel a lot more relaxed. Most of the time anyway.

Well that's a bit of a novel so I shall leave you with that and I will certainly try to update more often.
Ciao for now.

Defensiveness and Breastmilk

I came across a rather interesting conversation on a friends Facebook wall about Breast Milk donation and Milk Banks and how people feel about them. There was the usual happy conversation about how some would have been happy to donate or make use of donated milk, screening for drugs and illnesses was also briefly touched upon, and there were a few women who quite openly, honestly and plainly stated that they would prefer to use formula over breast milk that was not theirs.

Then there was the one woman who seemed to take every comment FOR breastfeeding and using/donating to milk banks as a personal attack on her and her choices.
She's unlikely to ever read this, I don't even know her myself, have never seen her name before today but I still have to say this.

Honey, it's not about you.

Yeah, that probably sounds really patronising (apologies) but I have to say if she's feeling that defensive about it, especially when there was absolutely NO formula-bashing going on, then she should realise and own her guilty feelings and try to move past them, rather than over-reacting and abusing women who were having a perfectly civil discussion about Milk Banks and Breast Milk donation.

Now, I know absolutely nothing about this person other than she decided to formula feed her child/ren, and from what I could pick up it was because she couldn't breastfeed. I make no judgements about her or her experiences, I don't know if she's had people look down on her or what for formula feeding but as one of the other participants in the conversation said;

"No one can make you feel bad about formula feeding either, you make a choice and if you are happy with your choice then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks."

I agree with this fully.

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Now, I'm going to leave the above as it is and talk about how I personally feel about breastfeeding, formula and milk-banks.

I'm planning on breastfeeding. For as long as I can, preferably 18 months but if bubs decides to wean prior to that then I can hardly force feed him now can I.

As for the whole Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding debate (which I think is ridiculous to be honest) yes I fully support breastfeeding and I DO think it's best, I also fully agree that for those who either cannot breastfeed for some reason or choose not to, formula is there for them to use. To add another dimension, I also think that a milk bank would be a very good idea for those who cant/choose not to breastfeed but still want their child/ren to have breast milk. Why should it be all or nothing?

I would gladly donate to a milk bank, I even thought about it after I lost my son Antony and had furiously leaking boobs, I just didn't know how to go about it and I wasn't in the right frame of mind to try to figure it out at the time. Once this one is born I would be quite happy to donate any excess.

I would not force parents to make use of donated milk if it didn't sit right with them for any reason. I get that some people feel squeamish about another persons milk being used to feed THEIR child. I get that some people think that the entire idea is silly and that that's why we have formula. I get that some people will worry about the screening any milk would have to undergo, and about any possible allergens from the donaters diet. Simply put, I get that it's not for everyone but shouldn't it be a viable option for those who would like to make use of it?

Pretty much to me it boils down to I don't care which method you choose to use to feed your child, whether it be breast, bottle or whatever, as long as the child is fed adequately and loved, that's all that really matters.

Don't beat yourself up about it!

(I apologise for the rambliness, it's 3am and I just HAD to write something about this)