I actually think I'm going to make it to 24 weeks. Granted, I have 1 hour to go lol but I'm pretty damn confident that things wont go tits up in just an hour (Touch wood!)
I'm still feeling nervous about some cervix twinges that I've been having. Some of them are baby induced, as in bubs decides to give me a good punch or prod. Not nice. Some are just little twangs that I cant identify a reason for. Here's hoping that things are shown to be fine at the scan on Tuesday. Funnelling I can handle, so long as the cerclage is doing its job, which it seems to be so far.
I'm really hoping that I can hold out until 32 weeks at the earliest so I can give birth at my local hospital. It's seriously a stones throw from my house lol. I can see it from my front door!! If I happen to go earlier than that I'll have to be taken via helicopter to the big children's hospital about 2 hours away (by car) because they have all the special facilities for a prem that early.
*Sigh*
I'll wake up in the morning and be 24 weeks pregnant. Feels like such a remarkable achievement for me.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Letting go
My partner suggested that we take Antonys ashes to the beach and bury them. I realised that I'm just not ready to let him go when my eyes welled with tears and I couldn't say anything for fear of sobbing. I dont know if or when I will ever be ready.
Damnitt, now my eyes are leaking again.
Damnitt, now my eyes are leaking again.
Coming out
So I don't even know why I decided to avoid this on my own blog *shrug* but I'm going to come out and say it.
I'm a natural childbirth supporter.
Yeah, I bet that's a bit of an anticlimax LOL.
So what's the big deal about me being a natural childbirth supporter anyway? Well first off in all my travels around cyberspace in search of information about childbirth I kept finding things about "natural" childbirth. I read all sorts of books during my first pregnancy, up to and including Pregnancy for Dummies. Yes, there is a book called Pregnancy for Dummies.
I SCOURED my local library, picking up every book about pregnancy and childbirth I could find. I read them all. I soaked up all the new information and all the new opinions like a sponge. Some of the opinions and information I mentally put question marks beside but still, I read it all. I already had a few opinions myself on childbirth and whatnot but nothing solid.
Then I found the eye opening book "Pushed" by Jennifer Block. After reading that I just couldn't look at childbirth the same. I was horrified by the atrocities I was reading about that seemed to be the "norm" in American childbirth. Sure, I had read about a majority of them in all the other books but those books didn't paint anywhere near the same picture as "Pushed" did.
My eyes were opened. I couldn't look at routine interventions in childbirth the same again. Thus, I went looking into the alternatives to the "hospital norm" that I kept reading about (bear in mind that a lot of the books I was reading were written in the USA and more geared towards the maternity system in that country, the maternity system in New Zealand is completely different, it's like comparing apples and pumpkins). I read about a woman in "Pushed", Ina May Gaskin, who was hailed as the mother of American Midwifery and went looking for the book she had written called "Spiritual Midwifery". A spark was flaring into a blaze, I had to find out more about Natural childbirth! I read the book and though some of the concepts in it sounded a bit out there even for my extremely open mind, I took it all in. It clicked with me. It just sounded so RIGHT to me.
Thus began my foray into Natural childbirth. I haven't stopped reading about it since. Luckily here in New Zealand we have a much more midwifery model of care rather than the American Obstetric model. Obstetricians are required, just like any other branch of medicine is required, the USA has just pushed that to the extreme.
I for one am very glad we have Obstetricians and I am seeing one myself, simply because my pregnancy is classed as high risk first due to my Osteogenesis Imperfecta and second because of my incompetent cervix (which could possibly be linked in to the OI) so I'm glad that I have the professional backup there if and when I need it. That being said, at my prenatal appointments and everything I see a midwife (all of my prenatal care is through the hospital) which I certainly think is better than seeing the OB at every appointment. My OB is a busy woman who certainly has better things to be doing than seeing me for the basic antenatal appointments where I pee on a stick and have my blood pressure taken.
I'm currently seeing my OB fortnightly (due to my dodgy cervix lol) and I'm glad that I have her on board. Would I much rather that I didn't need to see her at all? Definitely. She's lovely and all and I like her but she's proof that I'm screwed up and sometimes I could do without the reminder *wink*.
Ok so this ended up going on a bit of a tangent, oops, lol.
I'm a natural childbirth supporter because I agree with other natural childbirth supporters that birth has been medicalised to the point where more women and children are harmed than lives are saved. Whether it be physical or mental trauma. I'm a natural childbirth supporter because I believe that women (and their families) should have options available for their care. A one size fits all birthing policy can be detrimental to the health of either mother, child or both.
I, like many of the other natural childbirth supporters that I have come across in my cyber-travels, thoroughly dislike (and some even hate) the phrase "All that matters is a healthy baby" because there is much more at stake than just a healthy baby.
I'm a natural childbirth supporter.
Yeah, I bet that's a bit of an anticlimax LOL.
So what's the big deal about me being a natural childbirth supporter anyway? Well first off in all my travels around cyberspace in search of information about childbirth I kept finding things about "natural" childbirth. I read all sorts of books during my first pregnancy, up to and including Pregnancy for Dummies. Yes, there is a book called Pregnancy for Dummies.
I SCOURED my local library, picking up every book about pregnancy and childbirth I could find. I read them all. I soaked up all the new information and all the new opinions like a sponge. Some of the opinions and information I mentally put question marks beside but still, I read it all. I already had a few opinions myself on childbirth and whatnot but nothing solid.
Then I found the eye opening book "Pushed" by Jennifer Block. After reading that I just couldn't look at childbirth the same. I was horrified by the atrocities I was reading about that seemed to be the "norm" in American childbirth. Sure, I had read about a majority of them in all the other books but those books didn't paint anywhere near the same picture as "Pushed" did.
My eyes were opened. I couldn't look at routine interventions in childbirth the same again. Thus, I went looking into the alternatives to the "hospital norm" that I kept reading about (bear in mind that a lot of the books I was reading were written in the USA and more geared towards the maternity system in that country, the maternity system in New Zealand is completely different, it's like comparing apples and pumpkins). I read about a woman in "Pushed", Ina May Gaskin, who was hailed as the mother of American Midwifery and went looking for the book she had written called "Spiritual Midwifery". A spark was flaring into a blaze, I had to find out more about Natural childbirth! I read the book and though some of the concepts in it sounded a bit out there even for my extremely open mind, I took it all in. It clicked with me. It just sounded so RIGHT to me.
Thus began my foray into Natural childbirth. I haven't stopped reading about it since. Luckily here in New Zealand we have a much more midwifery model of care rather than the American Obstetric model. Obstetricians are required, just like any other branch of medicine is required, the USA has just pushed that to the extreme.
I for one am very glad we have Obstetricians and I am seeing one myself, simply because my pregnancy is classed as high risk first due to my Osteogenesis Imperfecta and second because of my incompetent cervix (which could possibly be linked in to the OI) so I'm glad that I have the professional backup there if and when I need it. That being said, at my prenatal appointments and everything I see a midwife (all of my prenatal care is through the hospital) which I certainly think is better than seeing the OB at every appointment. My OB is a busy woman who certainly has better things to be doing than seeing me for the basic antenatal appointments where I pee on a stick and have my blood pressure taken.
I'm currently seeing my OB fortnightly (due to my dodgy cervix lol) and I'm glad that I have her on board. Would I much rather that I didn't need to see her at all? Definitely. She's lovely and all and I like her but she's proof that I'm screwed up and sometimes I could do without the reminder *wink*.
Ok so this ended up going on a bit of a tangent, oops, lol.
I'm a natural childbirth supporter because I agree with other natural childbirth supporters that birth has been medicalised to the point where more women and children are harmed than lives are saved. Whether it be physical or mental trauma. I'm a natural childbirth supporter because I believe that women (and their families) should have options available for their care. A one size fits all birthing policy can be detrimental to the health of either mother, child or both.
I, like many of the other natural childbirth supporters that I have come across in my cyber-travels, thoroughly dislike (and some even hate) the phrase "All that matters is a healthy baby" because there is much more at stake than just a healthy baby.
Counting Down
I now have 3 days until my baby is considered viable. A mere 3 days. The thought actually frightens me somewhat. I'm not entirely sure why, this baby is most certainly wanted, but still I'm nervous. Possibly the whole fear of the unknown thing.
Counting down the days and making small goals are a couple of the ways that I've been finding helpful while I try to cope with such a stressful time. Not overtly stressful, but the worry is still there, niggling in the back of my mind. I feel paranoid about every little niggle, ache, twitch and twinge. I worry if baby hasn't moved much in a day, or if I have a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I'm a compulsive knicker-checker. I cant help it, every time I go to the loo I check.
I worry about how the movements feel, especially if they're low movements. I could swear that I've felt this little ninja attack my cervix a few times. Rather disconcerting when I'm super paranoid about any feelings/pain/discomfort in that area, a sudden fist to the cervix can make me jump lol.
Once I make it to 24 weeks (3 more days, only 3) then my next short term goal is going to be 26 weeks. Long term goal is going to be 32 weeks so I can deliver at my local hospital (a hop skip and a jump down the road) rather than needing to be airlifted to the national childrens hospital 2 hours away (by car)
9 weeks to that goal.
I'm pretty sure I can make it but I have to be realistic with my expectations. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and all that jazz.
Counting down the days and making small goals are a couple of the ways that I've been finding helpful while I try to cope with such a stressful time. Not overtly stressful, but the worry is still there, niggling in the back of my mind. I feel paranoid about every little niggle, ache, twitch and twinge. I worry if baby hasn't moved much in a day, or if I have a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I'm a compulsive knicker-checker. I cant help it, every time I go to the loo I check.
I worry about how the movements feel, especially if they're low movements. I could swear that I've felt this little ninja attack my cervix a few times. Rather disconcerting when I'm super paranoid about any feelings/pain/discomfort in that area, a sudden fist to the cervix can make me jump lol.
Once I make it to 24 weeks (3 more days, only 3) then my next short term goal is going to be 26 weeks. Long term goal is going to be 32 weeks so I can deliver at my local hospital (a hop skip and a jump down the road) rather than needing to be airlifted to the national childrens hospital 2 hours away (by car)
9 weeks to that goal.
I'm pretty sure I can make it but I have to be realistic with my expectations. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and all that jazz.
Breast vs. Formula
So I think the whole breastfeeding vs. Formula feeding debate is absolutely ridiculous but something that I see in my cyber-travels is how the possible benefits of breastfeeding have been over hyped and oversold. I found this article written by a woman, a retired OB/GYN who I love to cyber-stalk (lol) and while I quite often disagree with her views, she has made me think about things from a different perspective even though she patently refuses to see any perspective but her own.
What I enjoy the most about this article however, are the comments. The actual conversation about the article that the Doctor presented. One of the comments that I found extremely apt;
I have to say, to me this has hit the nail right on the head.
Why SHOULD breastfeeding have to prove itself better than formula?
Another quote from the same commenter;
Now this isn't me trying to attack any formula feeding parents out there who happen to read this blog, this is merely me agreeing with this commenter asking why should breastfeeding have to prove itself BETTER than formula.
As a friend of mine has said, you cant tell who was breastfed or formula fed just by looking at a child/teen/adult. In the long term it is not obvious.
One thing that puzzles me about the whole debate, more from an American perspective than anything else, is how formula seems to be the standard and how breastfeeding has to prove itself "better". This is why I like the commentary of this article, there is true discussion about it and it's from a scientifically based standpoint.
Setting the bar at formula, in my eyes, is silly. Formula hasn't been around for anywhere near as long as breast milk, it's (generally) based on cows milk, something designed to feed baby cows and it's definitely not infallible, the recent melamine issues with it in China has proved that. Things may not have been proved one way or the other as to whether formula has definite risks associated with it but breastfeeding most certainly has benefits, however small they may seem individually they can add up to a fair amount.
Ok, I'm getting a bit repetitive now lol, time for me to take a breather.
As I've said before, to me it only matters that the child is adequately fed and is loved, not the method of feeding.
What I enjoy the most about this article however, are the comments. The actual conversation about the article that the Doctor presented. One of the comments that I found extremely apt;
"Breastfeeding is the biological norm for humans. Why should breastfeeding have to prove its self as being healthier/better?"
I have to say, to me this has hit the nail right on the head.
Why SHOULD breastfeeding have to prove itself better than formula?
Another quote from the same commenter;
"We do not need to over sell the benefits of breastfeeding at all. Breastfeeding is normal for our species however we are doing mothers a disservice by letting them believe that artificial feeding is safe (there are NO studies to show formula is safe), that there are no health risks associated. Why do we have no qualms about telling mothers that drinking alcohol in pregnancy can cause birth defects and damage their babies but we cannot tell these same mothers that formula feeding has health risks for fear of “making them feel guilty”?????"
Now this isn't me trying to attack any formula feeding parents out there who happen to read this blog, this is merely me agreeing with this commenter asking why should breastfeeding have to prove itself BETTER than formula.
As a friend of mine has said, you cant tell who was breastfed or formula fed just by looking at a child/teen/adult. In the long term it is not obvious.
One thing that puzzles me about the whole debate, more from an American perspective than anything else, is how formula seems to be the standard and how breastfeeding has to prove itself "better". This is why I like the commentary of this article, there is true discussion about it and it's from a scientifically based standpoint.
Setting the bar at formula, in my eyes, is silly. Formula hasn't been around for anywhere near as long as breast milk, it's (generally) based on cows milk, something designed to feed baby cows and it's definitely not infallible, the recent melamine issues with it in China has proved that. Things may not have been proved one way or the other as to whether formula has definite risks associated with it but breastfeeding most certainly has benefits, however small they may seem individually they can add up to a fair amount.
Ok, I'm getting a bit repetitive now lol, time for me to take a breather.
As I've said before, to me it only matters that the child is adequately fed and is loved, not the method of feeding.
Defensiveness and Breastmilk
I came across a rather interesting conversation on a friends Facebook wall about Breast Milk donation and Milk Banks and how people feel about them. There was the usual happy conversation about how some would have been happy to donate or make use of donated milk, screening for drugs and illnesses was also briefly touched upon, and there were a few women who quite openly, honestly and plainly stated that they would prefer to use formula over breast milk that was not theirs.
Then there was the one woman who seemed to take every comment FOR breastfeeding and using/donating to milk banks as a personal attack on her and her choices.
She's unlikely to ever read this, I don't even know her myself, have never seen her name before today but I still have to say this.
Honey, it's not about you.
Yeah, that probably sounds really patronising (apologies) but I have to say if she's feeling that defensive about it, especially when there was absolutely NO formula-bashing going on, then she should realise and own her guilty feelings and try to move past them, rather than over-reacting and abusing women who were having a perfectly civil discussion about Milk Banks and Breast Milk donation.
Now, I know absolutely nothing about this person other than she decided to formula feed her child/ren, and from what I could pick up it was because she couldn't breastfeed. I make no judgements about her or her experiences, I don't know if she's had people look down on her or what for formula feeding but as one of the other participants in the conversation said;
"No one can make you feel bad about formula feeding either, you make a choice and if you are happy with your choice then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks."
I agree with this fully.
-------------------------------------------------
Now, I'm going to leave the above as it is and talk about how I personally feel about breastfeeding, formula and milk-banks.
I'm planning on breastfeeding. For as long as I can, preferably 18 months but if bubs decides to wean prior to that then I can hardly force feed him now can I.
As for the whole Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding debate (which I think is ridiculous to be honest) yes I fully support breastfeeding and I DO think it's best, I also fully agree that for those who either cannot breastfeed for some reason or choose not to, formula is there for them to use. To add another dimension, I also think that a milk bank would be a very good idea for those who cant/choose not to breastfeed but still want their child/ren to have breast milk. Why should it be all or nothing?
I would gladly donate to a milk bank, I even thought about it after I lost my son Antony and had furiously leaking boobs, I just didn't know how to go about it and I wasn't in the right frame of mind to try to figure it out at the time. Once this one is born I would be quite happy to donate any excess.
I would not force parents to make use of donated milk if it didn't sit right with them for any reason. I get that some people feel squeamish about another persons milk being used to feed THEIR child. I get that some people think that the entire idea is silly and that that's why we have formula. I get that some people will worry about the screening any milk would have to undergo, and about any possible allergens from the donaters diet. Simply put, I get that it's not for everyone but shouldn't it be a viable option for those who would like to make use of it?
Pretty much to me it boils down to I don't care which method you choose to use to feed your child, whether it be breast, bottle or whatever, as long as the child is fed adequately and loved, that's all that really matters.
Don't beat yourself up about it!
(I apologise for the rambliness, it's 3am and I just HAD to write something about this)
Then there was the one woman who seemed to take every comment FOR breastfeeding and using/donating to milk banks as a personal attack on her and her choices.
She's unlikely to ever read this, I don't even know her myself, have never seen her name before today but I still have to say this.
Honey, it's not about you.
Yeah, that probably sounds really patronising (apologies) but I have to say if she's feeling that defensive about it, especially when there was absolutely NO formula-bashing going on, then she should realise and own her guilty feelings and try to move past them, rather than over-reacting and abusing women who were having a perfectly civil discussion about Milk Banks and Breast Milk donation.
Now, I know absolutely nothing about this person other than she decided to formula feed her child/ren, and from what I could pick up it was because she couldn't breastfeed. I make no judgements about her or her experiences, I don't know if she's had people look down on her or what for formula feeding but as one of the other participants in the conversation said;
"No one can make you feel bad about formula feeding either, you make a choice and if you are happy with your choice then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks."
I agree with this fully.
-------------------------------------------------
Now, I'm going to leave the above as it is and talk about how I personally feel about breastfeeding, formula and milk-banks.
I'm planning on breastfeeding. For as long as I can, preferably 18 months but if bubs decides to wean prior to that then I can hardly force feed him now can I.
As for the whole Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding debate (which I think is ridiculous to be honest) yes I fully support breastfeeding and I DO think it's best, I also fully agree that for those who either cannot breastfeed for some reason or choose not to, formula is there for them to use. To add another dimension, I also think that a milk bank would be a very good idea for those who cant/choose not to breastfeed but still want their child/ren to have breast milk. Why should it be all or nothing?
I would gladly donate to a milk bank, I even thought about it after I lost my son Antony and had furiously leaking boobs, I just didn't know how to go about it and I wasn't in the right frame of mind to try to figure it out at the time. Once this one is born I would be quite happy to donate any excess.
I would not force parents to make use of donated milk if it didn't sit right with them for any reason. I get that some people feel squeamish about another persons milk being used to feed THEIR child. I get that some people think that the entire idea is silly and that that's why we have formula. I get that some people will worry about the screening any milk would have to undergo, and about any possible allergens from the donaters diet. Simply put, I get that it's not for everyone but shouldn't it be a viable option for those who would like to make use of it?
Pretty much to me it boils down to I don't care which method you choose to use to feed your child, whether it be breast, bottle or whatever, as long as the child is fed adequately and loved, that's all that really matters.
Don't beat yourself up about it!
(I apologise for the rambliness, it's 3am and I just HAD to write something about this)
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Grow my pretties, GROW!!
So I've finally got all my seedlings into the ground. All 13 tomatoes, 6 broccoli and 4 corn. So happy to have them all planted so they can grow all nice and big and strong.
Speaking of gardening, I really should get into weeding the scrub patch here at home. Not entirely looking forward to it since it means a lot of bending over and at the moment, with my lovely pregnant belly, bending over can cause my lungs to get squished lol. It's rather hard to take a breath when your chest cavity is suddenly full of intestines lol.
My strawberries are loving me. I've given them fertiliser and they're sprouting berries and flowers all over the place. Not many per plant, only 2-5 or so but when you multiply that by 12-14 plants, that's quite a few strawberries!!
I'm so proud of all my gardening lately, minus the weeding. The hellish weeding!!!
Speaking of gardening, I really should get into weeding the scrub patch here at home. Not entirely looking forward to it since it means a lot of bending over and at the moment, with my lovely pregnant belly, bending over can cause my lungs to get squished lol. It's rather hard to take a breath when your chest cavity is suddenly full of intestines lol.
My strawberries are loving me. I've given them fertiliser and they're sprouting berries and flowers all over the place. Not many per plant, only 2-5 or so but when you multiply that by 12-14 plants, that's quite a few strawberries!!
I'm so proud of all my gardening lately, minus the weeding. The hellish weeding!!!
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